When I was at school, I learned to play recorder for a few years. At some point in middle school I started learning flute. I'm not sure if I ever actually *really* enjoyed either, but it was something I could do and it was satisfying to get better at it. I didn't really do it outside of lessons, and practicing for lessons and exams. But then in high school my flute teacher really pushed me in a way I didn't like. He wanted to get me angry with him because it meant I'd play loudly, and that would be needed when (not if, in his opinion) I'd play to an audience. I hated him and I started to hate playing flute. I was pushed into the school orchestra and at the first rehearsal I went to I was awkward and shy and embarrassed and couldn't get a note out because of it, and threw my flute on the floor in frustration (denting it) and stormed out and never played again. And all because an activity that would have been nice to continue with if I'd been allowed to just do it for myself and no one else, was forced to be a performance, a product, a thing for other people's enjoyment, not for mine.

My uncle died last year and my aunt has been making noises about having to clear out his study, and I have my eye on his digital piano - rather a nice one, I understand - because, being digital, I could plug headphones into it and not worry about anyone else hearing me play on it. And I don't mean "play" as in "perform music", but "play" as in "amuse myself". And ironically I might actually get good at it and even enjoy playing music if only there wasn't the *requirement* to get good at it.