Thinking about a fursuit character who is aware they're a fursuit and is really weirded out by knowing that there's a live human inside them controlling everything they do and say and think.
I think they've mostly come to terms with the situation. But sometimes if it's late at night and they are tired, they'll get to thinking about it and get all weirded out again. Then they realise that the human controlling them is *making* them be weirded out, and realise they actually kinda hate their strange, unseen internal human. If you're going to be a fictional character in the real world, you could at least not have your performer make you have bad thoughts.
Eventually they figure out that their performer has decided that, in the reality of the fursuit character, they don't have a zip so they can't do that. And now the character's really angry — the damn human is even moderating their reality!
As they lie awake at night, waiting for sleep to come, the fursuiter prods and probes carefully at their own body with their paws, seeing if they can work out, just by touch, anything about the human inside. They wonder for a moment how much they might be able to figure out before the human realises what they're doing, before remembering that, by definition, they can never get even the tiniest step ahead of their own performer. That the human is actually the one making them do this, making them think this. A wave of depression all over again. 🙁
(They are aware on some level that they could cause themselves to cease to exist, but are so fed up with that bloody actor they just don't care at this point.)
